Till The Stars Come Down Tickets

Imagine the match like Evita at the London Palladium - spectacle, politics, emotion, and controversy. Let’s be clear: the England v Italy semi-final isn’t like opening night (there have been a number of thrilling performances before this one, nobody’s here for polite applause and easy standing o’s). No, this is one of those events where everyone’s a critic. Armchair referees, shirt-clad superfans, and your cousin who suddenly thinks she could coach (read: direct) the national team better than Sarina Wiegman (spoiler: she couldn’t).

Still, there's something wildly theatrical about it all: the anticipation, the momentum shifts, the unpredictability of a last-minute twist. Think Ghost Stories or Wicked, just when you think it's all wrapped up, bam, Act Two changes everything.

Following the plot

If you can't tell the difference between a free kick and a kick ball change, start simple. Pick a player and make her your main character, her actions are the narrative arc of the piece. Someone like Hannah Hampton in goal - dependable, sharp, high-stakes pressure. She’s your heroine. She’s the last line of her country’s defence. She’s Jean Valjean in gloves and a ponytail.

When you’re watching with others, nod seriously and say things like, “She’s really holding the whole thing together,” or, “This team’s chemistry rivals Satine and Christian!” No one will question you (much).

Need to express excitement but have no clue why people are screaming? Think pantomime. There’s a long British tradition of shouting without context. Channel it. You boo the baddie in Jack and the Beanstalk without needing to know his backstory, the same rules apply here. When England score, leap up like you’ve just found out you've just bagged front row tickets to The Great Gatsby and in a few moments Jamie Muscato will be just a few feet away from you.